Fooled

Sweet Annie hasn't been feeling well these past few days. So there's been lots of cuddling. Lots of napping. Lots of lullaby singing. And lots of stories. Oh, and of course, there's been lots of thumb sucking. 

I think we often believe that the devil's greatest work is done through the suffering in our lives. It makes the most sense that Satan seems to be winning most dramatically when things are falling apart. Maybe I'm off base, but I think his most effective work can actually be in the sweetest moments in our life. Because it's in those sweet, baby-rocking, family gathering times when the weather is perfect, the food is good, and the music's always on, that I forget about Jesus. 

Man, life tastes sweet. My baby is more beautiful this morning than she was when she went to sleep last night. I love my husband more completely than I knew how a year ago. My home feels cozy to me. My sweaters are warm in this sudden cold front. My dog doesn't bark as often these days. The tenderloin I made in the oven actually didn't dry out. It tasted perfect. Ah, and now I'm heading back to bed. The day is done. Wait, I didn't spend time with the Lord today. But, you see, I didn't need to. Because life was that sweet even without my surrendering to Him. Even without my praying to him.

That is Satan's great deceit. 

I'm so weak in the easy months. I'm so selfish when I can be. I almost shy away from asking for things to be too good, because I know that I will forget about God when things go too well. It is because I am so weak and so selfish that I need the hiccups. I need the brokenness to remember that I'm broken. Lest I fool myself. 

I want to get to a place where I seek the Lord even while the lovin' is good at home. 

But lately, I've decided that days go by just fine without my living in the Spirit. I know the bottom will drop. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe in a month. If Satan had his way, it would never drop out. Because then I would keep believing the lie that I don't need Jesus. 

I think what I need is accountability. Someone to shake me out of my self-centered life. Hear me - what I need is Jesus. But what I also need is accountability. 

What I want is for Jesus to be my daily bread. My daily eggs over easy on toast. My daily lunch. My daily dinner. I want to feel the need for Him as much as I feel the need for food. I want my spirit to groan the way my stomach does. 

I need discipline. I've never had enough of it in my life. I've always gotten away with way too much.

I need grace. Thank God that His mercies are new every morning. 

I need God. And if you think you don't because your life looks so lovely, you are being fooled. Thankfully, while we were still sinners - not after we stopped - he died for us. 

So here's to some future discipline in my life. Future as in starting now. Because like Annie Dillard says, "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." I would like to spend mine yoked with Christ. But that doesn't happen a ways down in the lifetime that lay before me. It happens in the todays. 

I've got to stop putting off God until tomorrow.